Tag Archives: sex

…this is a thing?

Apparently, our friends in Germany were not happy with how they were getting laid by tourists so… they made this thing:

https://www.zanzu.de/de/themen/sexualit%C3%A4t

I do appreciate the frowny face emoticons, helping me to know what NOT to do when doing a German. Um… anyway… For a write up in English, you can read the article here:

https://www.someecards.com/news/so-that-happened/website-instructs-visitors-on-how-germans-have-sex/

 

one milk. LOTS of sugar.

Hello, friend…

Sometimes, I am misunderstood. Sometimes, I misunderstand something someone says to me. It happens! For as much as I try to be the best listener I can be, sometimes I fail.

Which brings me to this:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3656541/Fellatio-cafe-customers-receive-oral-sex-drink-40-coffee-opened-Geneva.html

I thought this was a joke, I legit thought this was a joke. But! It is not. I can only assume the pitch meeting for this cafe went something like:

BOSS: We should do something for the customer while their coffees cool.
ASSISTANT: We could blow on it?
BOSS: Yes! We can blow on their coffees to cool them down.

And then once the cafe opened….

BOSS: I agreed to BLOWING ON THEIR COFFEES.
ASSISTANT: Oh. Oops.

Look. I think this is  VERY strange concept for a cafe. You order your coffee, and then select your prostitute on an iPad. Now, I get it. Coffee is hot and can take a bit to cool. I usually have to take my lid off and let it sit. And I do something like have a croissant.

Never would I have thought, hmmm, it’d be kind cool if a guy was down there while this Americano came down to room temperature. Holy shit.

And it seems that this coffee is VERY expensive, too.

So… I guess the customer is getting blown twice. :/

xo.

 

this is a thing..?

Hello, friend…

I’ve been hearing of late so many different dating apps, you can sign up to an app and match with someone who has a similar workout to yours. Because it’s just a bit gauche to approach someone at the gym and just talk to them, is not? 😉

There is a Disneyland inspired dating app! You can decide if you want a romantic pairing or, pick a friendly “park pal” so you don’t roam the park alone. Because we single folk need not be seen in the Magical Kingdom! Being single isn’t magical to everyone, afterall.

The MouseMingle App. Yes, this is a thing:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/disney-dating-site-mousemingle_5660ad71e4b079b2818ddb08

But wait! There’s more! Do you love bacon and are tired of dating people who don’t?

Ta Da….  Sizzl. I’m not sure if this is a joke, but it likely is not:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/oscar-mayer-bacon-dating-app-for-bacon-lovers_55fc7f9be4b0fde8b0ce53db

You know what I’d like to create? An App for single people who snore can meet other single people who snore… so they can experience the hell we non-snoring types go through. Someone make that happen, okay? Thankssomuch. Also, I’d love to have a dating App for people who share my love of Welcome Back, Kotter….  hmm… so many options…

xo.

 

my first podcast!

Hello, friend…

This weekend I was very lucky to be invited to drink wine and eat pizza and… MOST importantly… chat romantic comedies and women in comedy with some very cool peeps*. (*are we still saying “peeps?”) It added to my “media take over” that was last week, as I had also appeared on TMZ Live commenting on the Jenner girls graduating from high school & the raunchy party that followed. (Honest! I was on the Friday show.)

But I digress.

Ryan McNeil runs a podcast called The Matinee and he kindly invited myself along with fellow playwright and funny femme, Erin N. Thompson to come on and chat life & movies… most notably about Trainwreck.

The link is below, please pour yourself a glass and listen and enjoy! Now. I’m not a fan of the sound of my voice, but… whatchagonnado. Needless to say…I was thrilled to have been asked.

And have someone buy me wine and pizza.

This was a lot of fun.

http://www.thematinee.ca/episode142/

xo.

monday morning dance party

I’m sorry to be tardy with today’s dance party… I blame Monday.

After all, I started my day early, off to the doctor for my annual physical. Where I proceeded to break into a pool of tears after my weight check-in (I’m overweight) and discovery that I’ve shrunk (I’m 37 years old and I’ve ALREADY started shrinking?!?!? I’m getting someone to measure me at the gym tomorrow). And then there’s the sad state on my romantic life that the most action I’ve gotten in months was the gynecological exam my doctor just gave me. Hence the tears.

I was sitting there in my paper dress, not able to logically reason how I might be considered “skinny fat” (nope, I’m just fat) and at the same time, wondering “what would Amy Schumer do right now with these bits of life material?”

So. To the baby who was crying in the room next to mine…. I feel for you kid. ‘Cause the medical picture of a penis on the room of the wall I was in is the only one I’ve seen since March.

FML.

… oh, cure me of my woes Pulp!!!!!!!

xo,

this is a thing..?

So, apparently this is a thing in Japan.

… (crickets)…

xo.

this is a thing..?

Apparently sending someone a bag of edible dicks is a thing.

http://dicksbymail.com/

Their tag line is: “Send Dicks. By Mail.”

It comes with a note saying “Eat a bag of dicks”.

…. this is a thing.