I am hours into my 39th year. I am amazed that my 30s have gone by as quickly as they have. 10 years ago, I fretted about turning 30 and worried that I wasn’t where I should be in life and I should be more of an adult (even though at the time I was a homeowner) etc etc etc.
Last night I did an open mic at a long-established open mic in the city, sitting with my joke book and slice of pie (I didn’t bring pie with me- it was being offered to the comics) and catching up with an old friend who couldn’t quite figure out what happened to me. “When I saw you last you were quiet, and working at CBC TV…” he recalled, “and now you’re here telling jokes?!” My friend was happy to see me, don’t get me wrong, but he was also kind of confused. And I get it, the Kelly he knew before would NEVER have done stand-up. She NEVER would have had tattoos.
So here I am, 10 years later, seeing 40 on the horizon. I’m more certain of myself than ever before. I 100% never could have told jokes to strangers when I was 29. As much as I’ve always wanted tattoos, I was prevented from getting them sooner because it didn’t fit the image people had of me.
It’s taken time to find my footing. I’m still off-balance, but I have perfected my fall! I get up quickly. I dust myself off.
While yes, I’m more aware of time than ever before… and yes, I have days where I feel like I knew more then than I do now… I’m also aware now more than ever that things will happen when they are meant to. My life is filled with things I NEVER DREAMED COULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN. It’s kind of nuts.
So… my unsolicited advice? Live each day to the absolute fullest because there are SO many places to go. Trust that you’ll be okay. You’ll make mistakes because you’re supposed to make mistakes.
(That’s me waiting to take your call, 1979/1980)
I’m not feeling all that great. I’ve got a cold. And I HATE having a cold. I become a miserable baby when my sinuses are plugged up… likely because all of that stuff never fully developed. Yup, my ear canals, nasal passage ways are still child like… discovered when I get my tonsils out in my 20s. I know. You didn’t need to know this. But I have a cold… and my head is stuffy and I can’t hear anything to the contrary right now.
What’s interesting is though is that lately I’ve been bad about meditating. I’ve meant to, but haven’t made the time for it. So I have to wonder if my body just went “hey! we’ll figure out how to make you pay attention to me!” and filled my head up with this icky cold. After all, I (mostly) work at home. I work alone. Who the fuck did I catch this from?!?! So. Mental note made… I will meditate. Everyone should meditate! (You might be telling me otherwise, but again, my ears are plugged… so I can’t hear ya.)
What I did do for myself recently though, was end the relationship I’ve been in. I mean, he started the ball rolling by ignoring calls and texts… and we had only been seeing each other for three months! Which was too early for me to be regulated to an afterthought!! But here’s the crazy thing… we got along swimmingly. We had a lot in common. We made each other laugh. I couldn’t believe that we were parting ways because things were good. Who breaks up because of that?! Well, we did. Like I say, he was pulling away despite all the good stuff… which he acknowledged was there. So, the big girl pants were put on. I wanted to meet in person. But he wasn’t biting. And so we ended things…
On Facebook messenger. (sigh)
I am not proud of this.
But what I am proud of is that I listened to my gut. This wasn’t working anymore. Having gotten out of the sticky web that was S and our five year “faux-lationship”, I wasn’t interested in being put on the proverbial shelf once more by the guy I’m dating. Perhaps I wasn’t the right one for him and vice versa. I may be quirky, but a knick-nack I’m not. And we were both kind in our words to each other… there were no hard feelings.We knew it was the right thing to do.
I would have added an emoticon of a cat riding away on a scooter to my last message, but at the risk of looking like an idiot, decided against it.
So back out into the relationship mall I go… hoping that one day, I’ll find that one thing that never seems to be in stock when I’m looking.
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Tagged breakups, dating, Facebook, heartbreak, humor, intuition, men, romance, self respect, self-improvement, women, writing