Tag Archives: men

glasses

Hello, friend…

I am feeling the sting tonight of having met someone recently, but learning he has a lady after that feeling of “OOH! I like you!!” got settled into my belly rather nicely. In the words of one Charlie Brown, “good grief”. Once again, like Charlie, I’ve missed the football and landed on my back in pain. (The ego taking the brunt of the bruising.) But the GOOD part of it all is that I have made an awesome new friend and I truly mean that! I’m sad he’s not single, but I’m definitely glad we’ve met. He’s the coolest guy.

So! Here I am back to that game of trying to figure out which box is covering the baseball. (Occasionally, a drunk homeless guy is under one of the boxes but he tells me I’m pretty & that gives me enough pep in my step to keep looking.)

This weekend, as I sat in the waiting room of a tattoo shop in Toronto, across from me sat a guy and a girl who I thought were a couple given the body language but it soon became clear he was there to be a good friend and support her as she got tattoo number one. I was trying not to listen too closely to their conversation, but at one point she talked about her boyfriend and how “he challenged her”, but “in a good way, it’s good stress”. I wanted to ask her, “Do you really want that, though?” And I also thought of “SO WHY ISN’T HE HERE INSTEAD OF THAT GUY SITTING NEXT TO YOU WHO CLEARLY IS INTO YOU!?”

I’m guilty of it, not seeing something that was CLEARLY there, until it was too late. Or telling myself “it’s not SO bad with him” when really, I deserved better. My proverbial glasses weren’t on or, I was wearing those damn rose-coloured ones. (long sigh) ANYWAY. I hope that girl survived her first tattoo, and I keep hoping that one day I’ll finally kick that damn football.

xo.

KAZ

 

 

… a little bit of magic

Hello, friend…

I’m just home from a really great night. I did some stand-up at a venue I’d never been at before and the place was packed and friends were there… and there was some super fun karaoke times afterwards. The simple fact that I get to go and tell jokes is something I beam over. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE stand-up. I feel my nerves go up to a level I cannot describe as I’m being introduced and then I get to the mic, and I feel like I’m home.

I feel at home on stage, just me with a mic, telling jokes.

I don’t think I could have predicted EVER saying that 20 years ago, when I was at the bar next door to the venue I was at tonight.

20 years ago, I headed over to Toronto’s famed McVeigh’s for the first time with my dear James for a pint. I’d never had Guinness before, but James didn’t need to know that. But that night was magic… we talked about EVERYTHING, we confessed having feelings for each other. We kissed for the first time in a corner of the basement. That night I fell in love with James, and Guinness and Van Morrison.

As you know, if you follow my stories, James has been gone for just about a year now. Tonight, as I left the club, after a girl power inspired of No Scrubs with my friends- I was smiling as I do and looked at McVeigh’s and saw James and I that night 21 years ago saying our good-nights. Or trying to. 😉 I kept walking and then completely caught my breath… because…

When James was getting really, really sick we talked. And I decided with my love being so sick, he couldn’t do all he wanted to do so… since I had been thinking about doing stand-up for a good year at that point, I decided to jump and I asked friends if I could do a set at their show. They said Yes.

Something I now love to do SO MUCH came from my pain of knowing he wasn’t well. So James… thank you for pushing me. You always knew I could do things I never thought I could do. Thank you so fucking much.

I’m home and it’s 2am and I’m eating McDonald’s and my throat hurts from laughing and singing off-key and I’m so happy.

xo.

some people just can’t handle awesome.

Hello, friend…

I’m feeling a lot better after the shit-show that blew into my love life last week. Still holding onto some anger like I’m continually tucking into a tub of mint chocolate ice cream (my favourite), fully aware there’s a garlic bulb in the middle. (mental note… NEVER, EVER eat that. that sounds fucking disgusting.)

BUT! Yesterday, a co-worker gave it to me simply, she said “this stuff happens to the best of us- some people just can’t handle awesome”.

 

 

I could continue to stew on how this “Twat Waffle” (my beautiful, funny friend Monica gets credit for that one) hurt my feelings, but I’ve got a stand-up set tomorrow night that I need to plan for. I get to go tell jokes, and that is the coolest thing ever. I LOVE that I get a chance to make people laugh! I can use the crap I’ve been through to release my own stress and make people giggle. It’s such a privilege that I get to do this.

So, friend… as Valentine’s Day approaches, keep this in mind if you’re recently single or your road to love has a few more potholes than you’d like it to:

You, my dear ARE awesome.

xo.

images

 

 

choose your own adventure

Hello, friend…

I want to put a thought out into the Universe. In reading Amy Poehler’s book Yes, Please ( a favourite and one I totally recommend) she has a list of things that I copied and put on my wall… “Find a nice boy who is nice to you.”

I am having a hard time with this one. Instead, recently, I found a “nice boy” who made lovely dinner plans with me and gave me his number and pursued me… only to cancel night of said plans and “switch it up” as the kids say, and suggest we go out for drinks with friends. And he spent the night canoodling with another gal and did so directly in front of me for the during of the glass of wine I was trying desperately to chug. I just have to wonder what the pay-off of this was.

Was he expecting a threesome?

Does the man have amnesia?

I really didn’t appreciate the live presentation of “The Better Person’s Guide to Flirting” that was happening right in front of me. So I left. And he was shocked. As a result, I subjected a very kind Uber driver to my weeping – which I tried to keep to a minimum so he didn’t give me a bad rating.

He messaged me endlessly today, wanting to circle back and have said dinner… are you fucking kidding… wait. Maybe he does have amnesia.

(bangs head against wall)

UGH. Okay. I will continue to look for a nice boy who is nice to me, but I’m getting older and tiring easily. Does this ever get easier?? There will be dumb boys, and poor wardrobe choices to impress them, until I come upon someone doesn’t care about that and wants me for me. I don’t know where he is right now, but I hope he’s out there.

xo.

new!

Hello, friend…

Happy New Year! How did you close out 2016? I was at the ROM with my friends Sara & Chris and a handful of their cool pals… it was such a great night. We all looked HAWT and we were in a museum drinking wine, there were snacks and plenty of mingling with the dinosaurs. There was FREE food in tiny Chinese food take-away boxes! ADORABLE! Canadians only see those boxes in American sitcoms, we don’t get those when we order in Chinese food. Man! Those boxes are the cutest. ANYHOO. While drunk boy & drunk girl were making out at the table near me, I was feeling like the true winner as I scooped a tiny box of mac n’ cheese and headed up to a room filled with gem stones with my squad.*

(* Mental note, stop saying “my squad”. You’re almost 39 and you are not Taylor Swift. Probably just spell HAWT as Hot, too.)

I had free food. I had access to booze. And I was staring at diamonds. This is not a bad way to end a year and start a new one, folks.

Did I have a date for NYE? Nooooope. Did I have amazing people around me, felt good and was happy? Yuuuuuuup. I mean, I was wearing my favourite Calvin Klein dress that I bought WHEN I WAS TWENTY-NINE!!! I STILL FIT IN IT!!! Sure, there was no Midnight Kiss for me, but I bought that dress TEN YEARS AGO AND IT STILL FITS. Yeah, okay, it would have been awesome if a cute fella swooped me for a kiss. That would have been very very nice. But no, no instead I had a guy earlier that day confess that his Top Three interests are “Smoking weed, singing and masturbating”. Hashtag: win! 😦

I felt like a gem last night, though. A new year, I looked good, I had a tiny box of food and could have easily taken 20 more tiny boxes of food had I brought a bigger purse. That’s a fun problem to have! Not a fun problem to have? Dealing with a boyfriend who had left his previous girlfriend when he found out she was pregnant and now had a new girlfriend who was trying hard to get along with his family who still love his old girlfriend who happens to be offering out ultimatums to his new girlfriend because she feels she needs to suffer too. OMG!!!!!! This was told to me by someone I didn’t know at the MALL. Clearly, this young lady needed to vent and my heart sank for her. (She was my make-up artist at the store I was in. I really had no escape route.) Relationships can be so complicated, but that sounds like walking into a trap. Daily. Even if you know where the traps are.

Truth be told, it was a moment where I breathed a sigh of relief that I am single. I don’t go out of my way to celebrate the fact that I am without a boyfriend, but in my head I high-fived myself as she spoke.

Have I mentioned a guy told me one of his top interests was masturbating? I have? Okay. Cool beans.

I left my night at the museum with a light buzz from the champagne, laughing with my friends and oozing gratitude that one year ended and a new one started amongst beautiful things and shiny, happy people.

I don’t know if 2017 will yield any museum worthy pieces, but time will tell. What I do know that there is beauty in the smallest of things and those moments are worth celebrating any day of the year.

xo.

in defence (or defense) of 2016

Hello, friend…

As the year comes to a close, 2016 hasn’t made many friends. I know it’s been a very very bad year for many reasons.

This time last year, I was trying to figure out a lot of stuff… wondering where puzzle pieces could go together… each year we feel that way, though don’t we? We see the new year with copious amounts of hope and optimism. We don’t always act on things we promise or challenge ourselves to, no… sometimes by the first week of January it’s pretty much dead in the water! But this year was different for me.

As 2016 took artists I loved dearly (Bowie, Cohen, etc etc) & took my first love (James, to Cancer in April), as 2016 caused a tremendous amount of pain… there was something to this year that pushed me towards what I wanted more than before. Things aligned in a way, possibly to counter the heartbreak & distract me. This was the year that I got up on that open mic stage and did stand-up, that I stopped wanting to get a tattoo and GOT tattooed.  2016 was a year of stop talking about doing the thing and DO THE THING.

I couldn’t have done a bigger thing than start the ball rolling on my 1st documentary, that was a big thing. That came from a tweet, which lead to an introduction, which set off a light-bulb. No Responders Left Behind is set to be completed in the spring of 2017 along with my friends Rob & Kristine providing me with a big, necessary producer safety blanket. This documentary has changed my life… 100%, full stop. I’ve made friends with men & women who ran into hell and did the unthinkable on 9/11… and that our paths crossed means the world to me. We have a big torch to carry, and I have to do them proud in 2017.

I thought I found paths to new romances this year, but they were dead-ends. But this year had bigger things to focus on, bigger fish to fry… like being able to look at myself in the mirror and say with complete confidence that I like me. A lot. Is that because I’m almost 40? Probably. (I’d hate to be almost 40 and not feel that way.) BUT my heart did find love in a way that I couldn’t have predicted, well, I knew I’d feel a lot but… seeing my nephew Cohen for the first time?! DAMN. I didn’t think you could feel that much love for ANYTHING. So here is to Cohen for bringing sheer BLISS to our family, and in return little dude, we will do our best to make sure the planet is safe for when you’re my age… 🙂

So. 2017 is almost here… it will be my last full year in my 30s & I am both sad and amused by this (where the fuck did my 30s go?!?!)… it will be a year that I keep doing the thing. Because I know I am capable. 2017 will be a year where I’ll never again let fear stop me from doing the things I love. James believed in me when we met, and now that he’s gone, he’s still sending me love. And I share that with you, friend.

I’m on a roll, baby!

Let’s dance.

xo.

 

 

one milk. LOTS of sugar.

Hello, friend…

Sometimes, I am misunderstood. Sometimes, I misunderstand something someone says to me. It happens! For as much as I try to be the best listener I can be, sometimes I fail.

Which brings me to this:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3656541/Fellatio-cafe-customers-receive-oral-sex-drink-40-coffee-opened-Geneva.html

I thought this was a joke, I legit thought this was a joke. But! It is not. I can only assume the pitch meeting for this cafe went something like:

BOSS: We should do something for the customer while their coffees cool.
ASSISTANT: We could blow on it?
BOSS: Yes! We can blow on their coffees to cool them down.

And then once the cafe opened….

BOSS: I agreed to BLOWING ON THEIR COFFEES.
ASSISTANT: Oh. Oops.

Look. I think this is  VERY strange concept for a cafe. You order your coffee, and then select your prostitute on an iPad. Now, I get it. Coffee is hot and can take a bit to cool. I usually have to take my lid off and let it sit. And I do something like have a croissant.

Never would I have thought, hmmm, it’d be kind cool if a guy was down there while this Americano came down to room temperature. Holy shit.

And it seems that this coffee is VERY expensive, too.

So… I guess the customer is getting blown twice. :/

xo.