Tag Archives: etiquette

dating etiquette

Hello, friend…

It’s Saturday night and I’m sitting at home going  over a conversation I had with my friend Becky at dinner tonight: the fact that when it comes to dating these days, everything just seems so disposable. How we toss away things has now resulted in tossing away romantic possibilities left & right. We’re just swiping everything!

Great dates never to be heard from again!

Plans made to be broken at the 11th hour!

Guys who aren’t interested in dating but just want to “keep things casual and hang out!”

I’m starting to wonder… is there a blackhole filled with the men I’ve been on one date with? Did they just get sucked into some vacuum and tossed into space? And also… is it okay that I’m not keen on “just hanging out”? I’m 39 years old for Pete’s sake! So I decided to consult one of my etiquette books (‘Etiquette for Everybody’, copyright 1952) to gain some perspective and offer these tips below to incorporate into your daily routine. Maybe it’ll make our road to romance less rocky… maybe? Probably not, but it’s worth a go.

  • when a man is accompanying a woman, he should walk on the curb side (yes this was started to protect us ladies from being hit by random, run-away horse drawn carriages but I still love the idea)
  • a man should rise when a woman enters the room and remove his hat (got that, Tinder? Pants ON, hat OFF!)
  • a woman should be able to invite a man someplace without making him think she is pursuing him ( le sigh… god forbid we ask you to out and you think it’s code for “I want to get married”- it’s just a coffee, calm the f**k down)
  • a woman should not accept a valuable present from a man or an article of wearing apparel even from her fiance (… exhibit number one, Destiny’s Child “Independent Woman Pt. 1”)
  • when out, a couple should not talk loudly with their companion (given the advent of smartphones- this really isn’t a problem in 2017)

SO there you have it! Men… take off your hats and head to the curb! Ladies… do not accept that fancy present, you can buy it yourself! Basically, let’s try to bring some manners back, okay? Maybe it’ll help and get us really connecting once again.

Next week… how to properly announce your engagement is off! (Here’s a hint… it’s ALWAYS “by mutual consent.”)

xo.

 

how not to get a response!

Dear man who just sent me a note on the dating site I’m on to inform me that he does not like brunch,

 

Glad you took the time out of your day to tell me that brunch is for people who like stale food. I assume you have now checked off item numero one on your Asshole To Do List for today. (eye roll)

 

xo.

just the facts

Hello, friend…

Nothing much to report, except that I’ve agreed to go to brunch with a guy who keeps sending me updates on how many avocados he’s consumed. I should clarify that since we’ve agreed to brunch, I’m now getting a lot of avocado updates from him.

Now, nothing wrong with fun facts. I like facts! But…how many avocado facts are agreeable before your 1st date? Hmmm….  xo.

dark

Hello, friend…

Well. Minutes after I published my previous blog and was almost out the door, my date for tonight sent me a text letting me know he had to cancel for the 2nd time this week. HE CANCELLED. AGAIN!! MY LEGS WERE SHAVED! NEW UNDERWEAR WAS PURCHASED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Goddamnit.

AAUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

So, what have I done for the past couple of hours you ask? Well, after learning that my date was no longer happening I posed the WWGSD* question. (* What Would Gloria Steinem Do?) And I decided that Gloria would say fuck it and go to dinner anyway. So! I did.

If this were a scene out of the sitcom that is my life, it was perfectly cast. Cool restaurant, filled with lots of people… with your semi-defeated heroine (me!) seated at the bar and quickly served by a very cute bartender. Learning of my situation, we decided a glass of wine was necessary and did not count in my month of non-drinking because this was an emergency situation. (I believed he referred to it as “miracle juice”.) A plate of baby back ribs and fries was ordered. Hey, if I was going to drown my sorrows, it was gonna be in wine and meat. May as well go big and then go home by yourself at a reasonable hour, I say!

While I wanted to cry while my yummy ribs were served, there is no crying while eating yummy ribs. Luckily for me, my bartender Braeden was a wise one… he told me that there was no use getting upset over the guy. He clearly wasn’t worth my time.

And obviously this guy was not, this was the 2nd time he’d cancelled on me in a week (as I mentioned before). And while he suggested we try to book this again, I decided to employ the “two strikes and this is over” rule. I don’t want to get my hopes up over meeting you again, dude… I have tiny arms. It’s hard to keep hopes up when you have tiny arms. They get tired easily.

At times I have to wonder what the Universe is trying to tell me. Did a signal go out tonight when I proclaimed I was happy and anxious for my date? Did Cupid send a memo out letting people know my content attitude had to be put to a stop?! Is Cupid trying to tell me I should switch teams?! Is the man I’m to be with just REALLY FUCKING GOOD AT NOT BEING SEEN?!?!?! (bangs head on desk) At this point I’d not be surprised if a cardboard cutout of a handsome gent stood me up. (I’m assuming that text would read “Sorry I have to cancel, it’s raining and I disintegrated.”)

My lovely bartender offered me a drink on the house. As we agreed, if I was going to break my non-booze streak I may as well do it up right. And… it was an emergency. So I broke that glass box and downed my second drink before heading home! I allowed myself to cry a little bit as I walked to the subway. But I laughed when I noticed a friend post that song Circle of Life on my Facebook page after I mentioned how my day started with the thrill of an article I wrote being published in The Toronto Star & ended with my being alone at a bar.  (“Cue the Circle of Life”, I wrote.)

It’s always something, the lovely Gilda Radner once said… and it’s true! It’s always something. And at least I have my friends who will get to Google quickly and post songs from the Lion King on my FB wall in an emergency. 😉

xo.

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(Pictured above:  The “in case of romantic emergency” dinner and drink plan- baby back ribs, shoestring fries and “miracle juice”)

 

frustrated!

Hello, friend…

Le sigh. I’m in a grumpy mood. Was having a rather pleasant chat with a fellow I had met online, when I decided to rave about my new pants. They’re great pants!! (And they were free, thanks to my costume designer bestie… so free pants!) So, he asks to see a photo. I take just a regular photo, nothing too saucy, and hit send.

And… that was 6 hours ago.

I have not heard from him since.

Either, he was REALLY impressed by my pants or… he was really NOT impressed. Maybe I over-hyped the pants. Nevertheless, I just feel bummed out. And I know, it’s a stupid reason to be down but damnit… I’m bummed out.

Although… It’s an interesting book-end to how my day started.

Not even 8am, there was a message from a guy who I recently matched with. We hadn’t said more than Hello, when he asked if I’d be up for a drink tonight. Sadly, I’m on a booze detox this month so I suggested coffee instead. Seemed logical, right? So what does he reply with at 7:56am? ” Why don’t we just meet up and fool around instead.” DUDE! It’s not even 8am! I’m not going to agree to a booty-call  before coffee has been consumed… or before my brows have been tweezed… JEEEBSUS, I don’t even know your name!!!! I’m sorry, I can’t agree to put “sex with man to be named later” into my Google calendar. I just can’t. I’m not that kind of lady.

So, here I am, at home, a cool gal with a sweet new pair of pants…. and… yeah. (bangs head on desk)

xo.

 

…. fooled ya!

Hello, friend…

Well. I fell for a pretty fantastic prank yesterday. I’m a bit embarrassed.

I was chatting with a guy online, conversation was going really well and talk of meeting for drinks came up. He asked for my number so we could plan something.

You’re laughing to yourself right now, right? ‘Cause I am.

I mean… obviously he was not interested in drinks but just wanted to SEND ME A PICTURE OF HIS D**K!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck! It’s like getting Rickrolled!!!!!!!

Aaauuughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

xo.

showing my age…

Hello, friend…

I’m at home watching the Much Music Video Awards, and much (pardon the pun) like most award shows I watch now… I spend most of the show yelling at my  TV “who the hell are you?” and “shouldn’t you be in bed by this hour? you look kind of young”.

I also tend to utter “does anyone in the audience know what this person is singing? ‘Cause these lyrics are kind of not good…”

Case in point, the gal right now is singing “Don’t talk to me, just show me your talent.” And I’m assuming she is not referring to dinner or a knitting contest.

I know. I’m old. Most of the singers I like would tune their guitars and not so much auto-tune their voice before a show. But before I start into how long it used to take me to walk to school when I was a certain age… I’m wondering as well, as I have recently, where manners have gone.

Case in point… three, THREE guys have contacted me online recently, wanting to meet up, and then either cancelled the day of (one guy did this four times… we have since stopped speaking) or deleted their accounts once I confirmed the time and place. I’m starting to feel like I’m trying to restart a dead car battery here… ooh! ooh! the engine is running, we might be going someplace… and no. No, it’s still dead.

I just don’t get it. But I’ll keep trying to figure this all out… like the relationship detective that I am… 😉

xo.

p.s. Don’t know the artist featured in this video below? Cool. We’re even, young people. 😉