Tag Archives: dating

dating etiquette

Hello, friend…

It’s Saturday night and I’m sitting at home going  over a conversation I had with my friend Becky at dinner tonight: the fact that when it comes to dating these days, everything just seems so disposable. How we toss away things has now resulted in tossing away romantic possibilities left & right. We’re just swiping everything!

Great dates never to be heard from again!

Plans made to be broken at the 11th hour!

Guys who aren’t interested in dating but just want to “keep things casual and hang out!”

I’m starting to wonder… is there a blackhole filled with the men I’ve been on one date with? Did they just get sucked into some vacuum and tossed into space? And also… is it okay that I’m not keen on “just hanging out”? I’m 39 years old for Pete’s sake! So I decided to consult one of my etiquette books (‘Etiquette for Everybody’, copyright 1952) to gain some perspective and offer these tips below to incorporate into your daily routine. Maybe it’ll make our road to romance less rocky… maybe? Probably not, but it’s worth a go.

  • when a man is accompanying a woman, he should walk on the curb side (yes this was started to protect us ladies from being hit by random, run-away horse drawn carriages but I still love the idea)
  • a man should rise when a woman enters the room and remove his hat (got that, Tinder? Pants ON, hat OFF!)
  • a woman should be able to invite a man someplace without making him think she is pursuing him ( le sigh… god forbid we ask you to out and you think it’s code for “I want to get married”- it’s just a coffee, calm the f**k down)
  • a woman should not accept a valuable present from a man or an article of wearing apparel even from her fiance (… exhibit number one, Destiny’s Child “Independent Woman Pt. 1”)
  • when out, a couple should not talk loudly with their companion (given the advent of smartphones- this really isn’t a problem in 2017)

SO there you have it! Men… take off your hats and head to the curb! Ladies… do not accept that fancy present, you can buy it yourself! Basically, let’s try to bring some manners back, okay? Maybe it’ll help and get us really connecting once again.

Next week… how to properly announce your engagement is off! (Here’s a hint… it’s ALWAYS “by mutual consent.”)




this is a thing..?

Oh, dude… DUDE!!!!!!!!!

(very long sigh)

Stupid boy. Creating a group chat with ALL the women he’s dating…. wow.

This is a thing.





choose your own adventure

Hello, friend…

I want to put a thought out into the Universe. In reading Amy Poehler’s book Yes, Please ( a favourite and one I totally recommend) she has a list of things that I copied and put on my wall… “Find a nice boy who is nice to you.”

I am having a hard time with this one. Instead, recently, I found a “nice boy” who made lovely dinner plans with me and gave me his number and pursued me… only to cancel night of said plans and “switch it up” as the kids say, and suggest we go out for drinks with friends. And he spent the night canoodling with another gal and did so directly in front of me for the during of the glass of wine I was trying desperately to chug. I just have to wonder what the pay-off of this was.

Was he expecting a threesome?

Does the man have amnesia?

I really didn’t appreciate the live presentation of “The Better Person’s Guide to Flirting” that was happening right in front of me. So I left. And he was shocked. As a result, I subjected a very kind Uber driver to my weeping – which I tried to keep to a minimum so he didn’t give me a bad rating.

He messaged me endlessly today, wanting to circle back and have said dinner… are you fucking kidding… wait. Maybe he does have amnesia.

(bangs head against wall)

UGH. Okay. I will continue to look for a nice boy who is nice to me, but I’m getting older and tiring easily. Does this ever get easier?? There will be dumb boys, and poor wardrobe choices to impress them, until I come upon someone doesn’t care about that and wants me for me. I don’t know where he is right now, but I hope he’s out there.



Hello, friend…

Happy New Year! How did you close out 2016? I was at the ROM with my friends Sara & Chris and a handful of their cool pals… it was such a great night. We all looked HAWT and we were in a museum drinking wine, there were snacks and plenty of mingling with the dinosaurs. There was FREE food in tiny Chinese food take-away boxes! ADORABLE! Canadians only see those boxes in American sitcoms, we don’t get those when we order in Chinese food. Man! Those boxes are the cutest. ANYHOO. While drunk boy & drunk girl were making out at the table near me, I was feeling like the true winner as I scooped a tiny box of mac n’ cheese and headed up to a room filled with gem stones with my squad.*

(* Mental note, stop saying “my squad”. You’re almost 39 and you are not Taylor Swift. Probably just spell HAWT as Hot, too.)

I had free food. I had access to booze. And I was staring at diamonds. This is not a bad way to end a year and start a new one, folks.

Did I have a date for NYE? Nooooope. Did I have amazing people around me, felt good and was happy? Yuuuuuuup. I mean, I was wearing my favourite Calvin Klein dress that I bought WHEN I WAS TWENTY-NINE!!! I STILL FIT IN IT!!! Sure, there was no Midnight Kiss for me, but I bought that dress TEN YEARS AGO AND IT STILL FITS. Yeah, okay, it would have been awesome if a cute fella swooped me for a kiss. That would have been very very nice. But no, no instead I had a guy earlier that day confess that his Top Three interests are “Smoking weed, singing and masturbating”. Hashtag: win! 😦

I felt like a gem last night, though. A new year, I looked good, I had a tiny box of food and could have easily taken 20 more tiny boxes of food had I brought a bigger purse. That’s a fun problem to have! Not a fun problem to have? Dealing with a boyfriend who had left his previous girlfriend when he found out she was pregnant and now had a new girlfriend who was trying hard to get along with his family who still love his old girlfriend who happens to be offering out ultimatums to his new girlfriend because she feels she needs to suffer too. OMG!!!!!! This was told to me by someone I didn’t know at the MALL. Clearly, this young lady needed to vent and my heart sank for her. (She was my make-up artist at the store I was in. I really had no escape route.) Relationships can be so complicated, but that sounds like walking into a trap. Daily. Even if you know where the traps are.

Truth be told, it was a moment where I breathed a sigh of relief that I am single. I don’t go out of my way to celebrate the fact that I am without a boyfriend, but in my head I high-fived myself as she spoke.

Have I mentioned a guy told me one of his top interests was masturbating? I have? Okay. Cool beans.

I left my night at the museum with a light buzz from the champagne, laughing with my friends and oozing gratitude that one year ended and a new one started amongst beautiful things and shiny, happy people.

I don’t know if 2017 will yield any museum worthy pieces, but time will tell. What I do know that there is beauty in the smallest of things and those moments are worth celebrating any day of the year.



Hello, friend…

As I told my friend Paul tonight, I had a great date recently but he’s suddenly vanished from the site we met on and he’s not replied to my texts… therefore, I do believe that I’ve been hoodwinked. That’s right, hoodwinked! (Not enough people are using that word anymore, so I’m bringing it back.)

Call me old fashioned, but I’d like to have thought a date that went well would result in casual banter afterwards or better yet… another date! How novel would that have been!?! UUGGHHHH… how exactly does dating work anymore?! Am I to solve a limerick that unlocks a security code that sends me on a treasure hunt.. and THEN I get to see the guy again?

When did being honest jump the proverbial shark?! Clearly this guy isn’t keen on me, so maybe he’s just thinking actions speak louder than words. Which is true, they do… but…

Boo-urns to that!!

What on earth is wrong with telling someone how you feel? Why isn’t that a thing anymore?!

That does it. Along with the word Hoodwinked, I’m bringing back Honesty in 2017! I’ll start one of those online petitions…they seem rather effective…


it’s hard out there for a cod

Hello, friend…

As you’ve probably reasoned from reading this blog of mine, I don’t have the best luck with love. (Or, as most will advise me, I’m swimming in a plethora of material! Be grateful!) ANYWAY. It’s hard out there for us single folk in the big city. You meet people, you click and then they vanish… you don’t click and you cannot get them to stop calling you… you meet up for a drink and realized you’ve already been out once before, long ago. (I actually haven’t had this happen, but for as big as Toronto is, I doubt I’m far from this happening one day.)

But any time my heart has been busted,  any time I’ve cried about a boy, I’ve been told time and time again “there are plenty of fish in the sea.”


(insert cricket sound effect)

About that…


WTF??!! Even the COD are having trouble with mating because they can’t understand these new cod who are trying to sweet talk them into making more cod?? The same troubles I am having at a bar with [insert drunk dude’s name here], there is a cod in the Atlantic going through the same shit I’m dealing with?! Instead of non-requested dick picks, someone is seeing a fin they didn’t need to see THAT early into the relationship? And have no way of proving that fin is being sent is from the cod who sent it?

HUH! I guess we really are all connected….

A question. Do mom cod tell their young cod daughters “don’t worry dear, there are plenty of men on land”? I wonder. I wonder if some single cod is swimming about and looking up wondering if it’s just some bullshit saying. True, their mating problem has more to do with global warming and pollution than mine does… but I may start blaming my dating woes on global warming.  It does a lot of bad things, I’ll just add one more thing to its list!

My love of Disney’s The Little Mermaid made me long to live under the sea and hang out with singing crabs and have awesome hair… but I guess the grass isn’t always greener…

Anyway. Take comfort in knowing that the next time you’re out and in someplace where the music is too loud and a guy who is drinking like a fish is trying to chat you up and you can’t understand him… remember there is an actual fish somewhere in the Atlantic going through the same crap you’re going through.



Hello, friend…

Last night/this morning in Toronto was the annual “arty thingy” known as nuit blanche (white night, basically the city being illuminated)… I had no plan on attending to be honest, in chatting with my gal Virtue over brunch (we have been friends since 1st Grade, though we lost touch for years before re-connecting over a random phone call she made to a friend of mine) we agreed that we had simply reached that age of being “too old” for an all-nighter on the streets of Toronto. Age has been coming up a lot lately for me, I work at a bakery now and am a good 10 years older than a good lot of my co-workers. A few customers have asked me if I’m the owner, so I called one of them out on it a few days ago. This lady told me “well, you’re more mature than most of the people I see here”. Uh… thanks? I think?

Personally, I don’t feel 10 years older than most of them. Hell, I still think I have the vim and vigour of my 22 year old self most days! And then I have 2 glasses of wine and I am sooooooooooooo tired. And druuuuuuuuuuunk.

The long way to my point here is that I DID attend nuit blanche despite my 38 years on the planet! I was out with the most delightful company, and not wanting the evening to end I suggested that we go scope out the nuit. He agreed and off we went. Right before we headed out though, conversation had gone into the land of what to do with stuff you got from your ex or bought with them. I have received them in an unmarked box at my front door, the relationship equivalent of a suspicious package. (Where one then should call in your closest girlfriends to inspect the package- and not open it by myself like I did.) He told me that he opted to leave everything with her, necessity being the biggest factor as he was moving across the country. After all, things hold memories just as much as places do. Once daylight hits you see the spot from the romantic night before either fondly or with regret. You walk by that item he or she purchased for you and time travel to the intent in which it was given.( It is 100% time travel, thankyouverymuch.)

I suggested we head first to the building in which we met about  eight years ago, which was also an exhibit, and off we went. Weaving  in and out, amidst an amount of people only seen when the subway breaks down. In finding our former office, seeing how it had changed I had mentally gone into my time travel machine to recall friends since passed (I miss you, Elan!!) and moments where the boy I was dating at the time surprised me at work. I said hello to the sink where I used to wash the office dishes in the communal area. (No, I actually said Hello to it.) The job wasn’t the right fit for me, and I wasn’t there for long, but I formed friendships in that building that are teflon-like. So to walk its halls again was fascinating.

My company for the night hadn’t been with me in that space for at least eight years. I couldn’t have imagined then that we’d ever be there again. Together. Absolutely not. But life is funny that way.

We eventually found ourselves in the courtyard, surrounded by people and a man operating a film project. An actual “old timey” film projector, like the ones I could operate in grade school. (*high five to my AV Club peeps!*) We were all there, under the foggy night sky watching old 60s music promotional “videos”. Collectively time traveling to a time a fair number of us never lived in (save for the man operating the film reel). Watching a woman we thought was Patty Duke sing, until time travel helped with that Shazaam app of its to prove us wrong. Nope, it was Kay Starr! (I’ve linked to the song below & the video we watched last night.)

Off we went, down the steps past where that boy I was dating at the time met me for what I thought was going to his place to watch TRON but ended up being his taking me to dinner at the Rivoli and dumping me while the waitress took our drink order… sorry. Anyway. Off we went down the steps, and into the night.

Everything is always evolving to some degree, right?

Sure. Some places stay the same, but the people change.

And some people stay the same but the places change.

But every now and then we reconnect for a few magic moments… at at time traveller’s rest stop if you will, before we all move along once again and head off into the night.