Tag Archives: dating

dumb

Hello friend,

I realize the stupidity of what I’m about to say and I am trying to shift my focus to a positive gear… but I am genuinely crushed that my long-awaited date with a cute Frenchman got canned (by him) a couple hours before we were set to meet up. Once my hair was done and legs were shaved.

Btw- I knew the leg shave was a risky move. Every single damn time I’ve shaved my legs before an anticipated date- shenanigans emerge and not the good kind. Can someone remind me leg shaving is to be done if we make it to a second date and only then?!

Anyhoo. Yesterday had the makings of a perfect day- hair appointment, hot afternoon planned with a French guy and my debut at a well-established Montreal comedy club that night. And as soon as I got out of the salon, feeling gooooood… bam! He bails. And sends a sad face emoji.

And it took me a few to realize that my eyes were watering a bit as I looked at my phone. And then my inner Cher from Moonstruck had to yell “Snap out if it!” to myself… “You’ve got a big gig tonight!” ( okay- that second bit wasn’t from Mooonstruck but you get my point). My set turned out great, I met some genuine and cool folks at the club… I’m just so frustrated with myself that I’m a bit upset that he never matetalized and the date was a bust.

I’m a grown woman! Moderately successful!! I do a lot of cool shit!! But… I’m human with these dumb feelings.

Yes, I’ll go forth and cull from it what I can for a set.

Perhaps finding love is as hard as paying off my credit card debit. Hmm… there’s a joke there…

Xo.

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dating etiquette

Hello, friend…

It’s Saturday night and I’m sitting at home going  over a conversation I had with my friend Becky at dinner tonight: the fact that when it comes to dating these days, everything just seems so disposable. How we toss away things has now resulted in tossing away romantic possibilities left & right. We’re just swiping everything!

Great dates never to be heard from again!

Plans made to be broken at the 11th hour!

Guys who aren’t interested in dating but just want to “keep things casual and hang out!”

I’m starting to wonder… is there a blackhole filled with the men I’ve been on one date with? Did they just get sucked into some vacuum and tossed into space? And also… is it okay that I’m not keen on “just hanging out”? I’m 39 years old for Pete’s sake! So I decided to consult one of my etiquette books (‘Etiquette for Everybody’, copyright 1952) to gain some perspective and offer these tips below to incorporate into your daily routine. Maybe it’ll make our road to romance less rocky… maybe? Probably not, but it’s worth a go.

  • when a man is accompanying a woman, he should walk on the curb side (yes this was started to protect us ladies from being hit by random, run-away horse drawn carriages but I still love the idea)
  • a man should rise when a woman enters the room and remove his hat (got that, Tinder? Pants ON, hat OFF!)
  • a woman should be able to invite a man someplace without making him think she is pursuing him ( le sigh… god forbid we ask you to out and you think it’s code for “I want to get married”- it’s just a coffee, calm the f**k down)
  • a woman should not accept a valuable present from a man or an article of wearing apparel even from her fiance (… exhibit number one, Destiny’s Child “Independent Woman Pt. 1”)
  • when out, a couple should not talk loudly with their companion (given the advent of smartphones- this really isn’t a problem in 2017)

SO there you have it! Men… take off your hats and head to the curb! Ladies… do not accept that fancy present, you can buy it yourself! Basically, let’s try to bring some manners back, okay? Maybe it’ll help and get us really connecting once again.

Next week… how to properly announce your engagement is off! (Here’s a hint… it’s ALWAYS “by mutual consent.”)

xo.

 

this is a thing..?

Oh, dude… DUDE!!!!!!!!!

(very long sigh)

Stupid boy. Creating a group chat with ALL the women he’s dating…. wow.

This is a thing.

http://mashable.com/2017/06/20/nathans-beautiful-girls-snapchat/#5jXXtGuTLqqM

 

xo.

 

choose your own adventure

Hello, friend…

I want to put a thought out into the Universe. In reading Amy Poehler’s book Yes, Please ( a favourite and one I totally recommend) she has a list of things that I copied and put on my wall… “Find a nice boy who is nice to you.”

I am having a hard time with this one. Instead, recently, I found a “nice boy” who made lovely dinner plans with me and gave me his number and pursued me… only to cancel night of said plans and “switch it up” as the kids say, and suggest we go out for drinks with friends. And he spent the night canoodling with another gal and did so directly in front of me for the during of the glass of wine I was trying desperately to chug. I just have to wonder what the pay-off of this was.

Was he expecting a threesome?

Does the man have amnesia?

I really didn’t appreciate the live presentation of “The Better Person’s Guide to Flirting” that was happening right in front of me. So I left. And he was shocked. As a result, I subjected a very kind Uber driver to my weeping – which I tried to keep to a minimum so he didn’t give me a bad rating.

He messaged me endlessly today, wanting to circle back and have said dinner… are you fucking kidding… wait. Maybe he does have amnesia.

(bangs head against wall)

UGH. Okay. I will continue to look for a nice boy who is nice to me, but I’m getting older and tiring easily. Does this ever get easier?? There will be dumb boys, and poor wardrobe choices to impress them, until I come upon someone doesn’t care about that and wants me for me. I don’t know where he is right now, but I hope he’s out there.

xo.

new!

Hello, friend…

Happy New Year! How did you close out 2016? I was at the ROM with my friends Sara & Chris and a handful of their cool pals… it was such a great night. We all looked HAWT and we were in a museum drinking wine, there were snacks and plenty of mingling with the dinosaurs. There was FREE food in tiny Chinese food take-away boxes! ADORABLE! Canadians only see those boxes in American sitcoms, we don’t get those when we order in Chinese food. Man! Those boxes are the cutest. ANYHOO. While drunk boy & drunk girl were making out at the table near me, I was feeling like the true winner as I scooped a tiny box of mac n’ cheese and headed up to a room filled with gem stones with my squad.*

(* Mental note, stop saying “my squad”. You’re almost 39 and you are not Taylor Swift. Probably just spell HAWT as Hot, too.)

I had free food. I had access to booze. And I was staring at diamonds. This is not a bad way to end a year and start a new one, folks.

Did I have a date for NYE? Nooooope. Did I have amazing people around me, felt good and was happy? Yuuuuuuup. I mean, I was wearing my favourite Calvin Klein dress that I bought WHEN I WAS TWENTY-NINE!!! I STILL FIT IN IT!!! Sure, there was no Midnight Kiss for me, but I bought that dress TEN YEARS AGO AND IT STILL FITS. Yeah, okay, it would have been awesome if a cute fella swooped me for a kiss. That would have been very very nice. But no, no instead I had a guy earlier that day confess that his Top Three interests are “Smoking weed, singing and masturbating”. Hashtag: win! 😦

I felt like a gem last night, though. A new year, I looked good, I had a tiny box of food and could have easily taken 20 more tiny boxes of food had I brought a bigger purse. That’s a fun problem to have! Not a fun problem to have? Dealing with a boyfriend who had left his previous girlfriend when he found out she was pregnant and now had a new girlfriend who was trying hard to get along with his family who still love his old girlfriend who happens to be offering out ultimatums to his new girlfriend because she feels she needs to suffer too. OMG!!!!!! This was told to me by someone I didn’t know at the MALL. Clearly, this young lady needed to vent and my heart sank for her. (She was my make-up artist at the store I was in. I really had no escape route.) Relationships can be so complicated, but that sounds like walking into a trap. Daily. Even if you know where the traps are.

Truth be told, it was a moment where I breathed a sigh of relief that I am single. I don’t go out of my way to celebrate the fact that I am without a boyfriend, but in my head I high-fived myself as she spoke.

Have I mentioned a guy told me one of his top interests was masturbating? I have? Okay. Cool beans.

I left my night at the museum with a light buzz from the champagne, laughing with my friends and oozing gratitude that one year ended and a new one started amongst beautiful things and shiny, happy people.

I don’t know if 2017 will yield any museum worthy pieces, but time will tell. What I do know that there is beauty in the smallest of things and those moments are worth celebrating any day of the year.

xo.

hoodwinked!

Hello, friend…

As I told my friend Paul tonight, I had a great date recently but he’s suddenly vanished from the site we met on and he’s not replied to my texts… therefore, I do believe that I’ve been hoodwinked. That’s right, hoodwinked! (Not enough people are using that word anymore, so I’m bringing it back.)

Call me old fashioned, but I’d like to have thought a date that went well would result in casual banter afterwards or better yet… another date! How novel would that have been!?! UUGGHHHH… how exactly does dating work anymore?! Am I to solve a limerick that unlocks a security code that sends me on a treasure hunt.. and THEN I get to see the guy again?

When did being honest jump the proverbial shark?! Clearly this guy isn’t keen on me, so maybe he’s just thinking actions speak louder than words. Which is true, they do… but…

Boo-urns to that!!

What on earth is wrong with telling someone how you feel? Why isn’t that a thing anymore?!

That does it. Along with the word Hoodwinked, I’m bringing back Honesty in 2017! I’ll start one of those online petitions…they seem rather effective…

xo.

it’s hard out there for a cod

Hello, friend…

As you’ve probably reasoned from reading this blog of mine, I don’t have the best luck with love. (Or, as most will advise me, I’m swimming in a plethora of material! Be grateful!) ANYWAY. It’s hard out there for us single folk in the big city. You meet people, you click and then they vanish… you don’t click and you cannot get them to stop calling you… you meet up for a drink and realized you’ve already been out once before, long ago. (I actually haven’t had this happen, but for as big as Toronto is, I doubt I’m far from this happening one day.)

But any time my heart has been busted,  any time I’ve cried about a boy, I’ve been told time and time again “there are plenty of fish in the sea.”

Yeah.

(insert cricket sound effect)

About that…

http://www.iflscience.com/plants-and-animals/talking-cod-found-to-have-regional-accents-and-you-can-listen-to-them-here/

WTF??!! Even the COD are having trouble with mating because they can’t understand these new cod who are trying to sweet talk them into making more cod?? The same troubles I am having at a bar with [insert drunk dude’s name here], there is a cod in the Atlantic going through the same shit I’m dealing with?! Instead of non-requested dick picks, someone is seeing a fin they didn’t need to see THAT early into the relationship? And have no way of proving that fin is being sent is from the cod who sent it?

HUH! I guess we really are all connected….

A question. Do mom cod tell their young cod daughters “don’t worry dear, there are plenty of men on land”? I wonder. I wonder if some single cod is swimming about and looking up wondering if it’s just some bullshit saying. True, their mating problem has more to do with global warming and pollution than mine does… but I may start blaming my dating woes on global warming.  It does a lot of bad things, I’ll just add one more thing to its list!

My love of Disney’s The Little Mermaid made me long to live under the sea and hang out with singing crabs and have awesome hair… but I guess the grass isn’t always greener…

Anyway. Take comfort in knowing that the next time you’re out and in someplace where the music is too loud and a guy who is drinking like a fish is trying to chat you up and you can’t understand him… remember there is an actual fish somewhere in the Atlantic going through the same crap you’re going through.

xo.