It’s been an interesting week. I’ve started on a new project, that will take me through the winter months, and it’s not without its challenges. Starting something new never is without its challenges! I’m hoping I will be able to navigate the waters, but this Friday night had me leaving work and crying as soon as the company of the people on my subway had dispersed. Text messages were sent to my brother and a friend, telling them I think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew and maybe I’ll quit. While I can’t get into what exactly I’m working on, needless to say I’m in a spot where I’m taking what I know (writing, being funny, being organized)…and pushing my boundaries.
It’s growing pains, right?
Now, it didn’t help that I had a panic attack yesterday. And there was too much talk about an old flame of mine. And I forgot my hat at home. You know what, yesterday felt like the first time I really bombed while doing stand-up, I lost control off the top of the day (forgetting my hat)… and by the end, I was crying in the bathroom. Wondering what I didn’t get into a “stable” career path.
For someone, such as myself, it’s funny though how much I don’t like stability. I have anxiety, I panic at the drop of (pardon the call-back), a hat. And yet, I use it to my advantage and use it to prove myself wrong… well, I try to. Some days you just gotta ride the inner roller-coaster and accept that using powdered coconut milk in your pancakes for breakfast REALLY was not a good call, Zemnickis. (It really was not. But I now know better for tomorrow’s breakfast.)
ANYWAY. What I’m not doing a great job of today is getting to my point. A simple one.
Last night, friend’s hosted a board games night and I’m blissfully glad I splashed some cool water on my face and headed out the door. I almost turned back home when I got to the subway as I felt my anxiety tap me on the shoulder, but I continued on. Laughter, veggies & dip, and the company of people I adore brought me back to what REALLY mattered that day: My friends. Sharing stories. Kindness.
And then I got a text from a strange man online, asking if we could go for brunch & then have sex! No, strange man, we cannot… but thank you for making me laugh very hard when I needed it.