I have had a bit of a day today… primarily due to a massive banking “snafu”. And those I was at dinner with tonight seemed to have experienced a similar day. High stress. Something felt off. So we went for an Italian dinner and I cursed that I picked the wrong year to stop drinking… today would have been a perfect day for a cocktail. Possibly two.
BUT. It’s all a bit “first world problem” of me. I know this.
BUT… if you will allow me…
For all the things in my life I am grateful for (a pot to brew coffee in the morning! getting a giant bottle of bath bubbles for $12 bucks! the news that Martha & Snoop’s potluck dinner party has been renewed for a 2nd season!) and for all the things I am lucky to experience (I am an aunt again! I have a part-time job at a bakery! I am making a documentary about a phenomenal 9/11 activist & first responder!)…. FOR ALL OF THIS AND TONS OF THINGS I’VE NOT MENTIONED… I am having a day where I have to wonder when things will even out. When the lack of income will balance with my increased level of happiness. When all the love in my heart will make it’s way to someone who wants it just as much as I want him to have it.
I am having a day where I feel like I am trapped under something heavy. Does that ever go away? WAS Oprah right in preaching if you do what you love the money will follow, or does my money have a shitty sense of direction and that terrible Apple Maps app?
And when am I supposed to feel like an adult, exactly?!?!?!?!
(screams into a pillow)
What I have in my life, I am very thankful for. I am. I like who I am a whole lot, and I say that with a confidence now I didn’t EVER have before. That is something you can’t put a price on! And while I’d love to have Kanye West’s income because it would clear the credit card debit I’ve built up in the past 4 years, the truth is I would not want his mental health troubles. (I have panic attacks and I’m good to just leave it at that.)
YES… I know that nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight. I’d just love for whoever is in charge to cut me a bit of slack! Because this being an adult stuff is hard today.
So on that note… Some Alanis as we head off to dreamland tonight… tomorrow is a new day. Maybe things will make a bit more sense come sunrise.