An interesting thing happened today. Well, a sad thing… but it became interesting. Today my late James’ … well, there wasn’t a funeral but there was a ceremony to remember him today. And I thought I’d be okay to talk about it… but clearly, I can’t.
I’ve tried and erased it more than five times.
A few years ago he moved out of the city, and I am without a car, but you use what you’ve got right…? So, I headed to the park across the street. James’ service was begin held among the trees and such, so I made do with what was nearby. And sat on a bench dedicated to someone named Francis*. I’ve sat there before, and I like the bench. It’s got a good view…. Francis’ friends chose well.
I can’t tell you much about my sitting there today, except to say I cried a fair bit. I miss him. I miss him a lot. He saw courage in me before I did. He knew I was capable of just going for something and getting it done. And as I was thinking about this, I cried … and closed my eyes. And when I opened them, I was face to face with a bunny. Yep! A bunny. I’m going to go out on a limb and say James wanted to me to stop crying so he called in a bunny. Good call, dude. It helped. A random rabbit sighting always helps!!
I looked up and then saw a butterfly. At which point I said out-loud “really, James? A butterfly? Show-off.” 😉
Look, I guess the point of this blog is grief is weird and death is such a fucking downer and I want my friend back SO BADLY. (sigh) Look. I hate that James is gone, but I admire his magical bunny & butterfly powers & his reminder that I still have courage and I can still do stuff. (I’m making a documentary!! I’m doing stand-up comedy!)
I took a selfie after the butterfly went by… there was a beam of sunlight over my shoulder. Jeepers, James… why do you have to be supercool even in the afterlife?
Cripes… you’re such a jerk.
But I love you anyway. xo.
(Bunny! Me & my light! Flowers in lieu of the butterfly sighting… damn thing wouldn’t stay still.)
(* James’ dad had a middle name… it was Francis. Ridiculous.)