park life

Hello, friend…

An interesting thing happened today. Well, a sad thing… but it became interesting. Today my late James’ … well, there wasn’t a funeral but there was a ceremony to remember him today. And I thought I’d be okay to talk about it… but clearly, I can’t.

I’ve tried and erased it more than five times.

So.

A few years ago he moved out of the city, and I am without a car, but you use what you’ve got right…? So, I headed to the park across the street. James’ service was begin held among the trees and such, so I made do with what was nearby. And sat on a bench dedicated to someone named Francis*. I’ve sat there before, and I like the bench. It’s got a good view…. Francis’ friends chose well.

I can’t tell you much about my sitting there today, except to say I cried a fair bit. I miss him. I miss him a lot. He saw courage in me before I did. He knew I was capable of just going for something and getting it done. And as I was thinking about this, I cried … and closed my eyes. And when I opened them, I was face to face with a bunny. Yep! A bunny. I’m going to go out on a limb and say James wanted to me to stop crying so he called in a bunny. Good call, dude. It helped. A random rabbit sighting always helps!!

I looked up and then saw a butterfly. At which point I said out-loud “really, James? A butterfly?  Show-off.” 😉

Look, I guess the point of this blog is grief is weird and death is such a fucking downer and I want my friend back SO BADLY. (sigh) Look. I hate that James is gone, but I admire his magical bunny & butterfly powers & his reminder that I still have courage and I can still do stuff. (I’m making a documentary!! I’m doing stand-up comedy!)

I took a selfie after the butterfly went by… there was a beam of sunlight over my shoulder. Jeepers, James… why do you have to be supercool even in the afterlife?

Cripes… you’re such a jerk.

But I love you anyway. xo.2016-06-27_19.21.56

(Bunny! Me & my light! Flowers in lieu of the butterfly sighting… damn thing wouldn’t stay still.)

(* James’ dad had a middle name… it was Francis. Ridiculous.)

 

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One response to “park life

  1. Aahhhh you move me to tears, It’s taken me far too long but through you and other channels of realization ive managed to see the beautiful signs my sister and other loved ones leave us!

    Love reading your journey, hugs my friend!

    Like

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