I’m not even sure what to write at the moment. Just want to send something out into the void, in the hopes it will do… something. A few months ago, I wrote about my dearest James who is very ill with cancer. And I’ve recently learned James is not doing well, while the tumors have shrunk… chemo has left him so very weak and unable to fight off the infection he’s got. I’m telling you all this because I need to tell somebody. The past 48 hours have triggered memories that are flooding back and over me… I’m seeing a catalog of photos and moments and memories flicker before my eyes.
James and I met in 1997. I knew him from a TV show that was popular at the time, and when we met and I asked him if he was the guy from said show… well, I can still see him turn around and suavely tell me “Why yes, yes I am.” I’d hazard a guess I fell in love with him at that very moment. He had a way of charming the pants off of you, and he still does. In the last phone chat we had (which I desperately fear was our final chat), he asked me to stop posting on FB my recent photos from my workouts- where I’m showing off my new look- because “it gives a man urges he presently can’t do anything about”. Oh James. 😉
Anyway. I’m just hoping a miracle can occur and James can recover. But I know that death is inevitable, and I’m okay with this; that being said, though… I don’t like it very much.
I’m just feeling a bit sad tonight, is all. Someone I love is not well. And that sucks.