a single girl’s holiday letter

Dear family & friends,

Happy Christmas! As I write this, the apartment is busy with prep for tomorrow… my parents are arguing over where the presents should go…

Anyhoozies. Yes! I’m still single. No plus one for me at the dinner table this year. Just like last year… But let’s be honest about things, show of hands… who is THAT surprised? Anyone? Anyone? Yeah… I thought so. ๐Ÿ˜‰ It’s not for a lack of trying, though. And the year isn’t 0ver yet! Santa might bring me an E-Harmony membership if my brother Kevin or my newly formed “work mates” at TMZ have anything to do with it.

(Watch this clip for an explanation, I’m around the 3:15 mark… listen to what Charles says at the end of my segment: http://m.tmz.com/#video/0_c2hzrt7w/
And people told me that Star Wars Pop-up book was silly to keep… pffft.)

That is one thing about this year,though… Yes, Cupid continued to give me the finger in 2015 (really loved the guy who, while we planned to have drinks, tried to invite himself over by saying “I can’t drive home because of my recent DUI arrest”)… BUT! I cashed in on my 15 seconds of fame and then some. Much to the amazement and confusion of all (including myself), I’m now a regular on TMZ Live. The publishing gods blessed me with not one, but THREE columns in The Toronto Star’s Life section. I learned of being published the first time while I was in NYC, after meeting a Supermodel on Broadway ย and having lunch with my friend Laurie. #bestdayever

AND!! As I write this, a theatre company in Vermont is looking over my plays to possibly include in their new season.

Kelly’s Writing Career- 5
Kelly’s Love Life- 0

How are my finances you ask? Oh, please don’t. It’s another venture up shit’s creek… I know they say do what you love and the money will follow. But at this point, it feels like my money may of had its passport denied at the border. BUT here’s the thing… I’m happier. I have much less financially than I have ever had, but my level of happiness is higher. True, you wouldn’t know this when I sob uncontrollably when rent is due, but… it feels like I’m zoning in on where I should be headed.

Kelly’s Happy Factor- 7
Kelly’s Bank Account- not available at this time

This year has been overloaded with terrible news and events, so many people have lost their lives. It’s been hard to digest all the news of shootings and stabbings. I want to scream off my balcony “What the hell is wrong with everyone???” With all the bad though, there is always good… the yin and yang continues on… I’ve resolved to be kinder, to be more mindful, I’m hitting the gym 6 days a week and now have something called “abs”…

In mulling over some big questions with my mom the other day, she commented that maybe one day I’ll adopt. Which would be awesome, but let’s be honest… I can’t qualify for a mortgage right now. Who is going to give me a human to raise? Though stranger things have happened… after all, did you know until 10 years ago (which was 2005) you could marry your FIRST cousin if you lived in Texas? Your FIRST cousin. Jeeeeebsus.

So. Predictions for 2016? I have none. Though I do hope when my passport is renewed in the spring, I’ll take a better photo. My last one was taken with the “bloated European who just knocked off a liquor store and killed her ex husband” filter. I wish that my first attempt at doing stand up comedy (which I’ll be doing next month!) will not suck as badly as that passport photo I just alluded to. And I pray to whoever is listening that James kicks Cancer in the fucking nutsack.

As Louis Prima sings ‘Just A Gigolo’ on the radio as I write this, and the BBQ gets turned on as it’s way too flipping warm for December 24th… I have to laugh. This year has been ridiculous, painful, blissful and it’s been awful.

At some moments more so than usual.

But, I have been lucky with bursts of good things this year. And I wish us all the same for 2016. LET’S DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ๐Ÿ˜‰



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