the essentials…

Hello, friend…

It’s been a while!! How are you?? After the film fest, and large amounts of transcribing and getting back into waitress life… I’m starting to get my footing again. For the past few weeks I have been BUSY, and now I’m… well… I’m more lower case busy. I signed up for more online dating! Which, really, is kind of pointless as I seemingly only have time to myself between midnight and 6am… and I’m not looking to meet THAT kind of guy.

It also seems pointless as I don’t have much to offer. Wait. Before you throw tomatoes at me and boo, I don’t mean myself… I mean my finances. Despite the fact that I am working my ass off (though not literally, sadly… it’s still quite there)… despite working morning noon and night, the life of a freelancer in tv is not always so fruitful financially. But realizing that adding “I work in the exciting world of TV and film but I am totes broke!” isn’t anything to add to my online profile, I just keep that to myself and ask the overdraft protection gods to be kind if a guy asks me out for a beer.

My money woes are not helping my online dating mojo. They really aren’t. I feel the next guy who asks me out may get hear “want to go to Starbucks and pretend it’s my birthday so we can get free stuff?” coming from my lips. (Although… that could be kind fun. And much more fun that the time a tooth of mine fell out at a Starbucks while on a date.) I should be truthful… a few things are not working in my life right now. But, I know that adding “I think I’m in a ‘I’m almost 40 and I’m stuck in a life-rut’ rut” isn’t something I should add to that online profile either.

Well, I could I guess if my profile picture was that of Eeyore.

But like that loveable character from Winnie the Pooh, I keep trucking along!! I know I felt incredibly judgmental towards myself before I turned 30, questioning everything, so perhaps I’m going through that again. I’m not bothered that I have no kids nor am I married. If anything, I’d like to be a homeowner again, but that may have to wait a while…

And the truth of the matter is, though I am not as financially secured- I’m actually happier than I was working 15+ hr days as a production coordinator. That counts for something right?? I LOVE being a waitress, I love seeing people happy and well-fed and asking 5 yr olds if they’d like a coffee when they sit down with their parents. I’ve been a small-small-small business owner for 2 years now. And I have a reading for my 5th play tomorrow, with friends I am admire dearly and cannot believe that they’re going to be speaking these words for the first time.

So, it’s all perspective, right?

I think so.

Now, if you’ll excuse me… I’m going to see about a free bevy at Starbucks… ahem… 😉

xo.

p.s. I’ve had this song in my head for hours now. And since I missed dance party Monday, and I feel like I need to blow off some steam…. enjoy.

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