I am binge watching ‘The Mind of a Chef’ tonight… a PBS series that Netflix has happily got on their menu. I love food. I LOVE food. I love the prep, I love reading cookbooks, I love cooking for friends (& for myself)…. eating. You name it. As much as I love writing, food is my next big crush. If you’re on the Instagram, you can follow what I eat (or make) at @thelatvianfoodie.
Long story short… in a perfect world, I’d run my own diner and cook and feed and comfort people. I loved being a waitress because I was helping to feed people and learn their stories. And in my perfect world, reuniting with a “romantic ghost from my past” recently would have gone smoother than it did. He’d not have told me he couldn’t see me this weekend because he had plans with “some other chick”. My credit card bills would be paid off. In my perfect world, I’d have a play on Broadway. In my perfect world, I’d know a guy who could re-enact that routine at the end of ‘Magic Mike XXL’. 😉
I had a guy message me online recently asking me a question, just one question.
“Why are you single?”
(deep breath) (exhale)
The simple answer is that I have no idea, I just am. And maybe that’s why I’m single, because I don’t know why I’m single. Is it because I know all the words to the theme of Welcome Back, Kotter (both the TV version and the radio single)? That I had “the” to Facebook whenever I speak of it? (i.e. “Did you see what was on The Facebook today?”) Is it because I thought for a looooong time I was 5’6″ft tall because it just seemed like most people are that height? (The truth is I’m 5’4″ft. I have recently shrunk a half inch. That is a story for another day.) Am I single because I can belch on cue? I have no fucking idea. But I have grappled with a lot of questions when relationships have ended or I’ve been single for long periods… namely, why don’t these guys want to stay?
And what I seem to come back to is that they weren’t the one. I simply haven’t met him yet. Maybe he doesn’t live here, perhaps he isn’t single yet. Maybe he’s currently in a coma. Or… and this is the thought that is tucked away and only makes a rare appearance, but… maybe he just doesn’t exist. Really. Maybe all I’m meant for is to catalog and write about relationships, and date “for the material”. I’m like a research scientist! Kind of… I guess… maybe that’s a bit of a stretch. Yes, well… If I learned anything from that ‘Green Porno’ series it’s that some creatures can do everything on their own, have sex! Reproduce! Maybe these folks are my ancestors. Maybe I’m a descendant of a starfish.
Look, the point is I have no fucking idea why I’m single. I have no idea why I can’t be in a relationship like the “making out in the elevator” couple that lives in my apartment building. They are ALWAYS making out. It’s weird. I should do a Hinterland Who’s Who- style commercial and study them, like a “Daterland Who’s Who”… but I digress.
But I am single… and that’s that. It’s not all I am though. 😉