growth spurt!

Hello, friend…

I have three nights left in my apartment before I move. As the hours countdown and more stuff goes into boxes and the walls become blank slates once again… I can’t help but feel like I’ve come full circle here. If I were to climb into my time machine and visit me when I moved in here two years ago, I’d buy that girl a cocktail and tell her to just breathe. And calm the fuck down.

You see… coming here as I did two years ago, I had just sold my home where my hat was hung for eight years. Eight years in 495 sq ft. I loved it there, my world changed there in the best and worst ways… but when M broke my heart that day I thought he was going to propose (awkward!) there was a little voice that screamed out “we need to get out of here NOW!” And it took a year and a bit, but eventually I did. It hurt to leave, but I had to change things up (and to be honest, had to get out of some deepening debt)… so off I went apartment hunting. I saw a building I liked a lot, which reminded me slightly of the new apartment Mary Tyler Moore bought on her TV series. (I’m a bit of a fan.) But as it happened, another building was a slightly better option given my quick sale. And I found myself where I am writing from where I am now.

I landed in this bigger apartment, feeling as though I had spent days in a revolving door and I was incredibly sad. I moved here, newly debt free and incredibly disappointed in myself. It’s hard to explain, but having to leave the home I bought in my early 20s because “all my bills came due” made me feel like a ridiculous failure. Aside from the occasional aid from my parents, I’ve done all of this on my own. Self-reliant 100%. Buying property, a single lady at 22, totally worthy of a gold star! And then here I came, in a new part of town, in a building where all my neighbours clearly use a marijuana scented air freshener. (Memo to the new owners of this apartment, you might get a contact high taking the garbage out.) I didn’t feel like I belonged at all. I didn’t trust my new surroundings. (I shouldn’t admit to this… but I also missed having a concierge.) I had no idea where my home was. I was in poor health for months.

And as two years have come and gone, I know now that coming here was exactly what I needed. It was time for a growth spurt, so to speak. Call me crazy, but I think this apartment has magic in its walls. I’m not exactly sure when it happened, but I started to listen to my gut again… trust my instincts again… and I have much more to do when it comes to my self-confidence but I feel like I’ve done a ton of work here. Speaking of which, my business grew here. I grew vegetables for the first time in my life here. Though it was done in an incredibly painful manner, I got out of a relationship that had been toxic to my system for years here.

I always thought that this place would be perfect for two people, but that wasn’t meant to be for me here… but a couple is moving in here. So the cosmic word got out! And on Tuesday, I will head off and start a new chapter in that Mary-esque building I first spotted two years ago… see? I knew I was onto something. 😉



2 responses to “growth spurt!

  1. Wonderful… a little anxiety, but excitement at the same time. You’ll be fine. Better than fine… it just might take some adjustment. Look at it a challenge and chance to meet new friends. Yeah, you! I remember being in the same boat years ago when I was 25. 4 year relationship, 2 years living together (bought a house together) and damn- worst toxic relationship ever. I finally found the courage to call it quits, let the house go (no quick sale) and took my damaged credit and made it on my own in a better area, closer to work. Not gonna lie, the first two years was hard on my own with no roomates and no money. (no tv because couldn’t afford cable and it forced me outside to meet neighbors at pool) but eventually I found some friends, dated for a while, and then found that wonderful person to marry.

    This is your journey! I’m looking forward to reading about it! You go, girl!



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