I have three nights left in my apartment before I move. As the hours countdown and more stuff goes into boxes and the walls become blank slates once again… I can’t help but feel like I’ve come full circle here. If I were to climb into my time machine and visit me when I moved in here two years ago, I’d buy that girl a cocktail and tell her to just breathe. And calm the fuck down.
You see… coming here as I did two years ago, I had just sold my home where my hat was hung for eight years. Eight years in 495 sq ft. I loved it there, my world changed there in the best and worst ways… but when M broke my heart that day I thought he was going to propose (awkward!) there was a little voice that screamed out “we need to get out of here NOW!” And it took a year and a bit, but eventually I did. It hurt to leave, but I had to change things up (and to be honest, had to get out of some deepening debt)… so off I went apartment hunting. I saw a building I liked a lot, which reminded me slightly of the new apartment Mary Tyler Moore bought on her TV series. (I’m a bit of a fan.) But as it happened, another building was a slightly better option given my quick sale. And I found myself where I am writing from where I am now.
I landed in this bigger apartment, feeling as though I had spent days in a revolving door and I was incredibly sad. I moved here, newly debt free and incredibly disappointed in myself. It’s hard to explain, but having to leave the home I bought in my early 20s because “all my bills came due” made me feel like a ridiculous failure. Aside from the occasional aid from my parents, I’ve done all of this on my own. Self-reliant 100%. Buying property, a single lady at 22, totally worthy of a gold star! And then here I came, in a new part of town, in a building where all my neighbours clearly use a marijuana scented air freshener. (Memo to the new owners of this apartment, you might get a contact high taking the garbage out.) I didn’t feel like I belonged at all. I didn’t trust my new surroundings. (I shouldn’t admit to this… but I also missed having a concierge.) I had no idea where my home was. I was in poor health for months.
And as two years have come and gone, I know now that coming here was exactly what I needed. It was time for a growth spurt, so to speak. Call me crazy, but I think this apartment has magic in its walls. I’m not exactly sure when it happened, but I started to listen to my gut again… trust my instincts again… and I have much more to do when it comes to my self-confidence but I feel like I’ve done a ton of work here. Speaking of which, my business grew here. I grew vegetables for the first time in my life here. Though it was done in an incredibly painful manner, I got out of a relationship that had been toxic to my system for years here.
I always thought that this place would be perfect for two people, but that wasn’t meant to be for me here… but a couple is moving in here. So the cosmic word got out! And on Tuesday, I will head off and start a new chapter in that Mary-esque building I first spotted two years ago… see? I knew I was onto something. 😉