So it’s Saturday night, and after a great day of seeing friends and discovering a fantastic new bakery (#winning)(… are people still doing that?? anyhoo.) I thought to indulge in some homemade fish tacos. And plopped Win A Date with Tad Hamilton! into the DVD player. It came out in 2004 and is your classic tale of a boy who loves a girl but can’t seem to tell her how he really feels… and then goes bananas when she falls for a handsome Hollywood star, who might (?) actually feel something for her too. Totally common scenario. But in a way it is… minus the celebrity bit… We’ve all been there. We’ve all felt something for someone and can’t bring ourselves to admit it to them. Or maybe we do and it blows up in our face. But the situation is relate-able… and it did get me to thinking about what we see and what we choose to see.
In my line of work, I’ve been very fortunate to meet celebrities now and then. Most times nothing happens worth noting, but sometimes, if fate is being kind we form a bond… *cough* Brendan Fraser *cough*. I’ve been asked to dinner, only to have the cute male tv presenter never call me to follow up, and I’ve been given so many excuses as to why “he can’t meet me for drinks ’cause he has to fly to [insert city here] in a few hours” that I have to give US Weekly props… “celebs are just like us”. Indeed. 😉
Or maybe you’ve been with someone who simply isn’t a match, but you need to make it work for whatever the reason… Nathan Lane’s character tells Tad (Josh Duhamel) as he’s getting to know his love interest (while rehabilitating his career) “You have different values… she HAS them!” But. Romance and love are amazing, splendid things. Don’t get me wrong. But I think too often you want what you see in someone to become reality, you think if you hunker down and hang in then all the bumps and hiccups you’re used to will flatten out. My goodness, finding love shouldn’t equate to a spin class you’re trying to power through! Granted, nothing is ever perfect. It can’t be.
The other night I got to talking to a friend who’s marriage has ended, which took me completely by surprise. If I were to guess how things were via his social media photos, I saw happy kids and fun things and family time… but that wasn’t the whole story. But I saw what I wanted to see. As I took another look at the same page the next day, the puzzle pieces clicked. I spotted the gaps, I saw what wasn’t there. And we got talking about the relationship I untangled myself from last year… we remember the five year guy, yes? For simplicity sake, I will refer to him as “S”. As I talk to friends now about “S” and what we went through, it’s crystal clear to me how unhealthy that relationship was. Everyone seems to say, after I finish my tale, how fortunate I am to be free of that. But for a long time I thought that’s what I deserved in a relationship. I really thought I deserved nothing. Instead of a full piece of cake, I got a sampler bite.
“Like how this tastes? Well, this is all we can offer you. But! We’ll have more samples next week…. or month. Whenever we feel like it, really.”
I still see “S” in my dreams sometimes. I wake up so sad and angry. Who let him back in there?! Aauugghhh!!! But we knew each other for so many years, he offered me sample and after sample… I basically had the whole cake, really. Or maybe that’s what I chose to see. ANYWAY. We need not speak of him further. He’s a jerk and I deserve better!!!
I see that now. It took the better part of a year, it took a lot of soul searching, but I see that crystal clear now. I DO deserve better, damnit! I’m far from perfect, but I’m pretty darn cool… and I’m getting to know a great guy who made me a lovely lunch the other day and who makes up silly songs for me, and who’s happy to sport some of my lipstick on his cheek. So! Things are looking up!!
(* a line from the move. I’m not sure how it’s spelled. but it has to do with being super exited about something and your willingness to go ahead and do it. Not that you’ve just spotted a bee.)