I don’t know if there’s ever been an “easy” time to be dating. At times, I think dating can sometimes be like high school… a generally uncomfortable time in your life that once you are rid of it, you are so fucking thankful…
But how about, if you’re having such a hard time with love & you’re someone who pretends over and over again that their new love is “super busy tonight and [ insert name here] is really sorry they can’t make it”… you need to resort to this: The Invisible Boyfriend
(slams head against a wall) I’m sorry, but does signing up to this site come with a box of Chardonnay? To drown your sorrows in for having just created your fake Prince Charming?! Okay. Fair enough. Women have been making this shit up for years, on our own…but to actually fill in a Mad-Libs-esque “how we met”…. jeeeeeebsus. Just looking at the site has bummed me out. Okay, so it might help at a wedding when [ insert relative’s name here] asks why you aren’t with anyone yet and your Rolodex of excuses is running low. But back in my day, that was your cue to make “a phone call” to “see how he’s doing at work” when really, you were either just checking your answering machine or calling the Movie Phone guy or calling your best friend who knew an emergency phone call might need to be made.
Or maybe you’ve joined Tinder, where… okay, where it’s likely most of those photos aren’t of the actual guy who made the profile (yup, I’m referring to you “Aubrey” who looks a hell of a lot like “Drake”)… but! Maybe you’ve joined Tinder. I did for a bit. It was free. I could swipe through men as I pleased. Left! Right! Right! Left! March march march…. I mentioned it was free right? Yeah. About that….
This is for a ” Tinder premium” app so that when you are in a fury of swiping left (which means No) and accidentally swipe left for someone you’d like to meet (which resulted in my screaming “Nooooooooooo! I wanted… to meet…. him…. oh fuck it….”). This way, you pay to fix your mistakes. When you’re over 30, you are penalized for a lot of things sometimes. (sighs)I get it, they want to “weed out” the older folk who have hobbies other than “just chillin'” and lived through the 80s.
But whatever. Maybe then you have a friend who convinces you to sign up for the STD-fest that is The Bachelorette…. and you get selected as the lady looking for love. Amazing, right?! All these men to choose from. And then this happens….
They pick two women…. and the men are going to get to decide who makes the better Bachelorette?!?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???? As if being on that show wasn’t hard enough on your ego and, let’s not kid ourselves, your liver, you’ve got to be competing against another woman? So maybe the thought by the producers was “this is just like real life, women are always competing with each other anyway for romance”… (eye roll) Is this their pathetic attempt at making this show seem realistic??!?!?! AUAUUGGHHHHHHHH.
(drops the mic) I’m going to go make some breakfast. And possibly a mimosa.