the amazing, texting abs!

Hello, friend…

Okay. You’ll have to forgive me for posting two things in one day but the CRAZIEST thing just happened… I just got asked out by a very well-taken care of set of abs!! These abs are so amazing they can talk!!!!!!!!!!! I need to call a scientist STAT! I mean, c’mon… this is pretty amazing.

Fine. Fine. I’m certain I can be convinced that this lovely, well crafted set of abs belongs to a person who has arms and hands etc etc… After all, “abs” does mention that he works in a grocery store (presumably shirtless) and goes to school (again, I’m assuming without a shirt).

So it’s likely “abs” is in fact, a person.

And he sounds very interesting too… amongst the things he spends time thinking about? You might think the gym.

Wrong! Social justice.

Yes, ladies. These abs are on the pulse of the world. These abs are also younger than my niece… which to me, is a deal-breaker. (Even though these abs clearly wants to rid the world of any wrongs and bring about peace for all.) No, for me it’s one thing to embarrassingly toss in “when I was your age” when someone writes me online, but if I pull out the “I remember when my niece/ nephew was your age” card I must bid you adieu and keep walking. My niece is 22 for pete’s sake! And my nephew is 25!!!

Anyway. “Abs”, like a few other fellows online, doesn’t want to tell me his name… or show me his face… they rarely tell me what they do for a living… Because, as many have told me “that’s too personal”. I’m not playing a game of Clue here, people. I’m trying to date. BUT! They will happily send me a picture of their crotch. What am I supposed to write back? “Good lighting!” “How can I confirm that is, in fact, yours?”

I’m not asking for much, “Abs” and “Crotch” and “End of a Canoe” (yup, I got a picture of that once)… I just want to know your name. Maybe see a side profile or a smile. And we can take it from there.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some sit ups to do.



Author: zemnickisgreen

Writer/ Collector/ Foodie/ Co-Producer of the documentary No Responders Left Behind (alongside Paradox Pictures) Likes: Housecleaning, Coffee Dislikes: Camping, Being without coffee Twitter: @AijaGreen Instagram: thelatvianfoodie

2 thoughts on “the amazing, texting abs!”

  1. “Good lighting!” is a suitable response. Lol. Its Hilarious to read, which I believe is the third blog post, guys sending photos of their mini-soldier, without the receiver asking. That’s weird. Lol.

    I can understand your girlfriend or wife, but to send to someone you are getting to know…Lol. Wow. Unless there is history of sending these photos, I’m having difficulty understanding why they think it’s okay. Is my generation that lost? Lol


    1. To me, it’s rather shocking that someone I don’t know is willing to show me that and not tell me his name first. (sigh) I guess I’m old fashioned that way.


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